Ranzino.com FAQ

“Is this site supposed to be… funny or something? Because it’s not.”

What I write is guaranteed only to be funny to me. If you enjoy it, so be it. If you do not, then may I suggest you read Garfield online. Jokes about lasagna and spiders may be more to your liking. Every single post on Ranzino.com is meant to be humorous. Some posts achieve that goal better than others, but none are meant to offend… overtly.

“Who are you and where do you live?”

My name is Brian and I currently live in picturesque Lancaster County in the great state of Pennsylvania.  I am neither Amish nor am I of the Mennonite persuasion.  I do, however, enjoy the many goods and services they are kind enough to share with we “English” in the area.

I am married to my beautiful wife and together we have somehow produced two three adorable sons. We also lived for a time in Connecticut so I may be posting about both areas. If you’re not interested in reading anything specific about New England or Pennsylvania just skip those parts, or again, Garfield is always available to you 24/7.

“Do you like being a parent? Because sometimes with what you write about… it seems like you really don’t.”

I love being a parent more than anything else I’ve done in my life so far (including frozen turkey bowling, which is surprisingly really, really fun.) I am a naturally sarcastic person, so instead of releasing my daily frustrations over the ups and downs of child rearing in negative ways, I bitch and moan about them here.

For those of you who are thinking about having children, I assure you the positives outweigh the negatives by a wide wide margin. Unless, of course, you have a serious problem dealing with another human’s waste product for 2-plus years.  Then it’s a virtual toss-up.   You might want to go with a Wide-screen plasma LCD TV instead.

“What do you do for a living?”

Quite frankly, that’s none of your business. If you would like me to do something intellectually rewarding and financially lucrative for you, just drop me a line.

“I may be wrong, but do you hate politicians?”

Yep, mostly.  They’re all equally annoying, kind of like Odie, but less likable.

What’s your favorite movie musical and why?

I’m glad you asked that question. I’d have to go with The Music Man because any movie that can work in a song called ‘Sha-Poopie’ AND an outstanding supporting performance by Buddy Hackett deserves a lot of credit in my book.

“I Like (Fill in the Blank Here) and I don’t appreciate the things you said about (Fill in the Blank Here.) Why do you have to go after (Fill in the Blank Here) like that?”

Thanks for the feedback. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No offense meant. But seriously, have you checked out Garfield yet? I really think it’s more your speed.

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2 Comments

  1. yes, i love garfield too…got a wooden front yoard thingy of him in my front yard…

  2. I googled images for Conyngham, having grown up (relatively speaking) there myself long ago; and I was delighted to see your work. I will be going north to visit old friends this coming weekend with both anticipation and dread. I do love to see my friends, but the valley has morphed into the same old cookie cutter homogeneous crap you see so often from coast to coast. So sad. Thank you for preserving some of the old town’s charm. All the best to you. And, of course, chocolate every day.

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