Gatorade is helping ESPN celebrate its 25th anniversary this summer by releasing an ESPN-flavored beverage.

This inevitably begs the question, what exactly does the Worldwide Leader in Sports taste like? Quoting further from the highly-orchestrated press release, overrated Bronx Bomber Derek Jeter described the flavor as tasting like, “four World Series championships, with a dash of cherry.”

As if we needed any more reasons to hate the New York Yankees.

A better source for a taste comparison would have been my mother. Mom spent my childhood convincing me Gatorade was made of reconstituted human sweat.

Judging from gatorade.com’s all-encompassing preoccupation with perspiration, Mom might have been on to something. References to sweat and or fluid loss pop up all over the place, especially in the section devoted to the Gatorade Sports Science Institute. (On a related note, can anyone have an institute now? Is it as simple as filling out a few forms?)

Gatorade.com even has a handy dandy Fluid Loss Calculator to determine your ‘personal sweat rate.’ For those of you who are morbidly interested, I rated as a “College Student Rotting in the Huckleberry Hound Costume at Kings Dominion in Mid-August” on the sweat-o-meter.

I’m waiting for Gatorade’s next television-themed beverage crossover: The Bravo Channel Quencher. It’s a little fruity, with just a hint of James Lipton.

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