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Author: ranzino

Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

The Disillusionment of a Rule-Follower

I don’t see myself as the type of person who seeks out confrontations. I can’t remember…

Discount Grocery Item of the Day – DiaResQ

When you’re shopping in the store, and your butt begins to roar. That’s diarrhea.

Convenience Store Interrogatives

Because Diabetes. The answer to the question you are posing is, “Because diabetes.”

Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Original Scungilli

The answer to the question, “What do you think would be in a chafing dish on Fridays in hell’s cafeteria?”

Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Umcka Coldcare & Petadolex

Where you should buy your healthcare products when the swap meet isn’t meeting all of your clinical needs.

A Dispatch to My Wife Justifying the Purchase and Display of My New Truck Nutz

It is with great respect and the utmost humility that I stand before you in defense of this most innocent of all motor vehicle novelty items.

Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Glacs

Need another reminder about global warming? Why not have it stare right back at you from your cereal bowl?

Absorbency to the Max

Suggested taglines for Kirkland Signature’s toilet paper with new wider sheets: 5. Go on, have that…

Optimism Renewed

Middle East peace, sneezing with your eyes open, the return of the VHS tape as a…