January 30, 2020
Optimism Renewed premium
Middle East peace, sneezing with your eyes open, the return of the VHS tape as a viable media format. Literally anything is possible. Someone has financed and produced a stage production of the Golden Girls featuring only puppets. Never, ever, let your dreams die.
You are a sign maker premium
You nailed “surveillance” but just couldn’t stick the landing.
January 4, 2019
The Future is Now premium
Fans of the luxuriously depressing obesity-chic lifestyle as depicted in the Pixar classic Wall*E rejoice! Your dream reality is at hand. You know Wall*E, it’s the Pixar movie your kids least want to re-watch. No, not Ratatouille, the other one. No, not the Lion King remake with dinosaurs on peyote.  The one with robots and […]
May 19, 2016
You Won’t Believe What Happened Next… premium
Least effective piece of clickbait I've ever seen.
November 28, 2010
The Burden of Being Aquaman premium
It's a big ocean. You can't be everywhere at once.
Anthropomorphic Identity Crisis premium
Child malapropisms. They're one of the few true joys of parenthood. 
September 21, 2010
10 Sure Fire Steps to Having a GREAT Morning premium
Leave the house with all of your children. Enjoy the pleasant daily ritual of exchanging friendly waves with the kind, elderly crossing guard lady. Drop off eldest child without his book bag or lunch. Return to your house to retrieve forgotten lunches and book bags. Reciprocate waves from the overly-eager aging crossing guard woman with […]
April 18, 2010
10 Rumored Features of the New iPhone 4G premium
January 26, 2009
The Myth of Wii premium
The Non-Political Plumber, originally uploaded by ranzino. Here’s how fanboys of the Nintendo Wii will defend their beloved gaming console to those who are less than enamored with the lifestyle that often accompanies video gaming: But it’s not like other systems!  It gets you up and moving around!  It’s an ACTIVE experience! I’ve got a […]
January 9, 2009
Pocket Full of Kryptonite premium
When I was a freshman in college I specifically remembering going to see a Spin Doctors cover group perform at a local house party. What I don’t remember (for a variety of reasons) is exactly what that jam band played after they covered both “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” and “Two Princes.” It didn’t seem […]